Difficult conversations are part of everyday life at work but, of course, knowing that doesn’t make them any easier.
Approaching them with clarity is the key and so proper preparation is essential.
“That’s OK, but what if we’re not on the same page?”
Well, that’s the point – you’re not likely to be on the same page – that’s why the conversation is tough!
So, what’s the secret?
Knowing what’s important to you, as an output from the conversation, is the place to start. It’s not dissimilar to a negotiation in that you want to be clear about your absolute ‘must have’ outcome.
When you know what that is, everything has a purpose and can be focussed on achieving your priorities.
Setting the conversation up for success relies on making sure that everyone involved feels safe. They must be confident that they can be open and honest and that whatever they say, it will be respected and part of a genuine discussion.
Establishing where there is agreement, within the conversation, sets out the landscape for what follows. So, share information about what got you to this place and check that there is a common understanding of what that looks like.
Now we’re ready to tackle the areas that are more sensitive. A great tactic that I’ve found helpful is to listen to the other point of view first.
In a developmental feedback conversation, for example, ask the person how they thought things went in the situation that you’re talking about. That will tell you how far apart you are, which can make life a lot easier.
If the person you’re talking to recognises that there’s a need for change, then ‘what’ will change becomes a positive discussion.
Of course, if they’re happy with what happened then you are going to have to convince them of the need for change BEFORE you discuss what could change.
After you’ve let them tell their story, you can tell yours. Don’t be afraid to share why this is so important to you. Having data to support your side of the conversation is always a powerful persuader, but so is emotion.
People, usually, don’t want to upset others and so revealing how you feel about something, has real impact. Often, people haven’t realised this, and it can be the catalyst for breaking a stalemate or just unblocking the thinking.
Turning the focus of the conversation to what will happen in the future usually takes any remaining heat out of the discussion because you’re no longer judging what has happened.
Invite suggestions and ideas in the same way that you would when coaching. Join in the evaluation of each suggestion, not forgetting about your own priorities for the outcome you want to achieve.
So, next time you’ve got have a tough conversation, try this approach and you’ll be amazed how confident you feel going into it and genuinely pleased with the outcome that you get.
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